What on the planet is it? Could it be a chicken? Could it be an owl? Whatever it is, it’s Fiji’s Miss World entrant, Koini Vakaloloma, making the right royal turkey of herself and of her country at the global competition in Mongolia. Now Koini is a pleasant gal and none of them of this criticism is fond of her.

But who on the planet required it upon themselves to decide that she parade as some unidentified incredible bird in the dance portion of your competition? It was a breathtaking lapse even by the vapid requirements already arranged by the Miss World Fiji franchise holder and local guy Andy Blake. That Blake sometimes appears by us is claiming credit for choreographing Koini’s dance schedule. So presumably he signed off on the costume.

In one collective wail of embarrassment, the whole country is requesting WHY? Why produce the idea to begin with? What the heck does this have to do with Fiji? If you needed to dress the inherent gal up as a parrot really, wasn’t there yet another appropriate to Fiji? What about the famous Red Shining Parrot?

Or even a pesky Mynah? At least there could have been some element of authenticity to the complete exercise. As it was poor Koini appeared spectacular for all the wrong reasons. It was so high camp, she appeared as if one of the dancers at the Folies Bergere in Paris. Or some transsexual dive in NY.

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No, it was even worse. Koini was meant to be representing Fiji. But she finished up in this series looking as though she displayed Peru. All those dangling and feathers pieces made her appear to be some amazing Inca. Then why getting the major Peruvian Miss World website put an image of Koini on its home page?

They’re declaring her as one of their own. Because – “Ah Mi Dios” (“Oh My God” in Spanish) – Miss Fiji has out Peru’d Peru! The public media is abuzz today with the comment, none of it flattering. Some people are asking if Crest Chicken – the scourge of Fiji’s hens and roosters – was one of Koini’s sponsors? And reasonable enough because it sure looks that way. Some parts of local media – Fiji Village included in this – say that she’s designed to be an owl.

Aren’t owls designed to be sensible such as “wise old owl”? God help us, there’s nothing at all remotely practical or sensible concerning this. Andy (why the “h”?) has already brought enough ignominy on Fiji with the debacle over the decision of the first Miss World, Torika Watters. Poor Torika had her name dragged through the dirt for “not looking Fijian enough”, a mixed-race woman who the critics said was too European looking and didn’t have a “buiniga” – the frizzy hair of the’Taukei. It sparked a global furor that terribly damaged Fiji’s reputation before it emerged that Torika wasn’t experienced to visit Mongolia to begin with because she was too young.